I could probably sum up my answer to the question posed in the title with “I don’t know.” However, this little journey of self-discovery is just that, a journey. On a journey you do need to look for clues and that’s what I’ll do, mostly for me and a little bit for you because…I CANNOT STAND WHEN MY SON THROWS FOOD. Of course, there are some things I do about it (some of which are below) but my first instinct is to try and reason with a 1.8 year old. It’s like trying to talk me and my wife out of a late night taco bell order after we get back from a wedding or our once-every-leap-year night on the town. I ain’t happening, I’m getting my cheesy gordita crunches bruh.
So why is this happening? Not the cheesy gordita crunch thing, that’s entirely due to deliciousness, no, I’m asking why your and my kid is throwing food.
It’s a Power Play – They want to see what they can get away with, like a raptor testing its fences.
The only difference between my child and a raptor is I don’t believe he could outsmart Muldoon. In all seriousness it’s not as nefarious as it sounds. They, like the rest of us, are learning exactly how much they can get away with / the wonders of cause and effect. Since they’re not exactly fluent in your language yet, your reaction to an action is their best gauge of what acceptable human behavior.
Their way of communicating – Also, in the “it’s annoying they have to do it this way” category is the fact that they’re trying to communicate. WIth an inability to tell you “excuse me mum, I’ve now finished eating this delectable waffle. Did I catch a hint of artificial blueberry flavor. That was a beautiful touch,” they’ve decided to throw the last few bites of that waffle to the floor instead. They’re done, btw.
Their way of getting attention – Like your niece and her belly button ring on Instagram (HOW does her mother let her walk out of the house link that?!?!), throwing food gets your attention. It’s probably not the way you’d prefer they do it but I will be damned if it’s not effective.
They are afraid they’re going to be forced to eat it – Yes your child has eaten 4 crackers in the last 24 hours but for some reason he’s A. Not hungry and B. willing to throw everything you’ve cooked for him on the floor just in case you were planning on forcing him to eat. It’s so tempting to strap your kid into their chair until they eat that 4th blueberry, but I’ve found little to negative success with this strategy. Ultimately, I’ve found that with my 2 year old son in particular, he’ll eat when he’s hungry which may or may not coincide with when I’m trying to feed him.
What you can do about it
Show them where they can put found they don’t want – Use a compartment of their plate or tray or another small plate to show them that unwanted food doesn’t have to go on the floor. We were having a problem with a cup being tossed across the kitchen and we were able to solve the problem by training him to to use a cup holder on his tray. This took a while and a lot of forced clapping / positive reinforcement to cement the message, but eventually the cup stayed on the tray.
Sit next to them while they eat and focus on eating with them – My son has also made progress when I’m paying him 1-on-1 attention while he eats. I try to keep his attention on the food and keeping said food off the floor and the walls. This leads me to believe that part of the problem was distraction. He definitely doesn’t like to eat as much as my daughter, so he was very easily distracted. Since he wasn’t really interested in the food to begin with, the distraction would often completely sap his attention span and ruin the meal. Sitting next to him and keeping his attention on the food and me has helped a ton and I’m finally avoiding this issue at meal time after I’ve spent hours blowing out my hair:
Give them small amounts of food – This very simple strategy has worked wonders for me. I start by giving my son a very small amount of food and as he eats, I’ll add additional small amounts to the tray. I’m speculating, but I think he gets less angry/anxious about having to eat when there’s not a full plate of food (which would make sense given a couple of the bullets above).
You’re mad, but pretend you’re not – I can say from experience that raising your voice to a child that’s throwing food has absolutely no effect. The results that I have gotten were achieved with a calm voice and mind-numbing repetition.
Reinforce the mantra – Pick a mantra “We don’t throw food,” or “Say No Thank You if there’s a food you don’t like,”or even “Repeat after me I’ll sleep outside if I throw food again,” okay maybe not that last one. But whatever you use, remember that you’re training and training can take a long, long time to grow a muscle. Don’t be discouraged if this doesn’t work right off the bat, because over time it will. If you can model your own behavior as you’re doing it and make sure your kid is watching, you’ll have an even better chance to cement the message.
This is a tough problem that many, many parents struggle with. Hopefully these pieces of advice help with food throwing / your sanity. If you have additional thoughts or tips, feel free to throw them in the comments. You can also check out these great resources (here and here) from the good people at Kids Eat in Color and Nutrition in Bloom.
Chris Jordan