Tips for getting your newborn baby to sleep through the night…
When you’re making inane conversation with parents that you’ve just met, is there anything more talked about then how your children sleep? Baby-sleep-pattern-chatter for parents is like weather-chatter for old people. It’s a low-risk go-to that will make you seem normalish in front of someone you’ve just met.
I find that children’s sleep conversations are especially interesting because how wildly different children’s sleep experience can be. Let’s say you have a baby who sleeps through the night really early and you’re in a sleep conversation with a parent you’ve just met. You have no clue how well their baby sleeps and since you don’t want to be a dick and hit on a sore subject, you downplay your all-star sleeper until you gain knowledge about the other person’s experience. If they have a great sleeper, you launch into how great you both are and how you and this other guy really have it “figured out.” If the other parent has a bad sleeper, you’ll go to “yeah, my kid was the same way,” and “it takes time.” Such is the life of a parent who doesn’t want to offend and is trying, against all odds, to potentially make a new friend after age 35.
I happened to have two above average sleepers. I’m certain that some children are impervious to some of the tips that I’m going to give below, but I can tell you they worked for me. Hopefully they work for you as well!
In my personal, non-clinical opinion, the tips below probably won’t work until the baby is at least 12 weeks old. That first 12 weeks is going to be tough, so gird your loins of yours.
At bedtime, turn off your maternal/paternal instinct – IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE READ THIS BULLET. This will be the toughest piece of advice to heed for both you and your partner. You will put your baby in their crib at bedtime. Your baby will cry. You MUST pretend not to hear it, as hard as that will be. The 5-10-15 method worked really well for us. The gist is that you let your child cry for 5 minutes before going into the room, but even when you do, you don’t take them out of their crib. You simply let them hear your voice, hand them the stuffed animal if they’re of age. Then, you leave the room. If the baby is still crying after 10 minutes, do the same thing. Leave the room, if they’re still crying after 15, do the same thing a third time. Most of the time, our baby was asleep between the 5 and 10 minute visits.
This method relies on the baby soothing themselves and calming down enough to fall asleep. They soothe themselves to sleep, rather than you having to soothe them to sleep. In my mind, this is the most important part, not just for initial sleep, but also for when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night. It’s possible when you start this routine, your baby won’t be ready to fall asleep by in the 30 minutes allotted. But I promise that if you stick to this method, in a surprisingly short period of time, they will. We also used this method in the middle of the night, with similarly positive effects.
As I mentioned, this isn’t easy to do as a loving parent, but it’s absolutely the best thing you can do to get your baby’s sleep, and your sleep, on a normal schedule.
Establish a consistent bedtime & nap routine: I’d put this right up there with the 5-10-15 method. Neither of my children wore a watch as a baby, but it seemed like they did given how well they’d fall asleep if we put them to bed “on time.” There’s nothing to chalk this up to other than the routine. Within reason and unless something really important was happening, they woke up, napped and went to sleep at almost the same time every day for their first 6 months. Maybe this had nothing to do with both of them sleeping really well within 15 weeks, but based on the results, it sure seemed like the routine had a very positive effect. The best part about this advice is that it’s fairly easy to stick to. You’re a parent now, you have nothing else to do. Why do you need to skip your kid’s naps or put them to bed 3 hours later than usual? Who is texting you? No one, that’s who. Wait, was that just me? Yes, it probably was. That said, make the 6 month sacrifice and reap the benefits of uninterrupted sleep later.
Getting on a schedule and sleeping through the night is incredibly beneficial to your child (Parents Magazine), but it’s also good for dear ol’ mom and dad. When you get down to it, using the 5-10-15 method and sticking to a routine is actually a bit selfish. If you’re able to get your child on a schedule and sleeping more, you get a good chunk of your life back. When you wake up in the morning, you’re not a zombie and actually have an opportunity to be your best self (and make some resolutions). And do you think that you will be a better parent to your children and a better spouse if you’re less sleep deprived? Yes, yes you will.
There are rare times in this parenting game where looking out for your own interests is actually the happiness maximizing strategy for you and your family. This is one of them. Turn off that maternal/paternal instinct for 30 minutes or so and run your household like an old-timey train conductor. You’ll all be better for it.