I’m of the belief that no single phrase is more damaging to the hopeful, new homeowner than “The Joys of Home Ownership.”
More on that in a second.
Soon after my wife and I purchasing our first home, the energy to take on new projects was as high as could be. To-Do lists getting chopped down with glee. I even hired a photographer to capture our glow while painting a couple of the bedrooms. Just look at how happy we were in these candid shots:
We took our talents to the living room and built a small coffee table. I did some power washing on the siding (which is awesome by the way. If you really want to feel like Tim the Tool Man, get your hands on one of those bad boys. I recommend this guy by the way. Good price point; all electric; and the cord is long enough (…nice) to enable you to travel with it as you move around the house).
Anyway, the enthusiasm for house projects – like most things in life – eventually started to wane. Which is unfortunate because the list of projects doesn’t just magically go away. There’s always seemingly a pilot hole to drill or a renovation to start; it’s really just a question of what to prioritize and what enthusiasm you’ll bring.
It was in this post-honeymoon phase where I spent an entire afternoon pretending I had a PhD in Electrical Engineering (I don’t) as I attempted to install a new ceiling light / fan in my daughter’s new room. Can’t be that hard, right? YouTube exists for a reason.
After watching more film on electrical install than Brady does on upcoming opponents, I knew the book inside and out…
I had schematics like this committed to memory.
… which, of course, was of extremely little value when it came to actually installing this sucker. Because here’s what you need to know about installing lights and fans. If it’s a light with a dimmer, that means a unique set of instructions. If there’s a remote control that comes along with it, that’s also unique. Same if the light contraption has a fan with it or not. And then if there are two (or more) wall switches as opposed to just one, well that’s unique too. And of course you may have some but not all of those features which just complicates it further. It was beyond anything YouTube had to offer, so I started trialing various color-to-node combinations … to no avail.
So I eventually tucked tail, called in an electrician, and $150 later this problem was solved.
Which brings me to the main point here.
I was massively disappointed in myself. Poorer. And aching as working above your head is “one of the most dangerous positions you can put yourself in.”
So when you eventually DO finish a house project — which, by the way, always comes with a snag halfway through. ALWAYS — it’s equally as rewarding as it is exhausting.
You want to proclaim your triumph to anyone who will listen, or even those who won’t.
And what do I get in return for exclaiming my moment of pride and sharing these struggles I overcame?
Literally the exact same, overused, response from everyone. “Ah, the joys of home ownership! Ammiright?!”
Wait, what?
I just went to hell and back and I can’t get something slightly more empathetic? Tell me about one of YOUR struggles. Give me a “man, that really sucks, dude.” Don’t just lump my entire Saturday afternoon struggle in with all other house projects by using the most common, played-out response of all time.
My tender spirit needs to feel special. And yours does, too, damnit.
So let’s all stand together and agree to indulge the next person you come across who tells you about their latest house project gone wrong. “Oh my gosh, Carl. That sounds like it was a mess. You are one helluva guy for getting through that. But hey, you know what they say: The jubilations of home possession, ammiright!”
Anthony Guerreso