The second installment our our potty training tips series, this time from Anthony.
As you’ve read this blog, if I’ve sounded like I knew what I was talking about (doubtful), then I’ll soon disuade you of that ill-informed opinion. I SUCKED as a potty training teacher. I was entirely too hung up on what I thought my daugher should be doing rather than listening, to both her words and behavior to understand what she was actually capable of doing. I encourage you to heed my warnings below and make life slightly easier for yourself and scar your child slightly less than I did. Also, these tips are mostly focused on if your child is struggling with potty training. If you drop your child on their little toilet (we loved this one) and they’re pooping like a champ, god bless you and god bless them. Just skip to our next article about how sportsbooks apps allow you to become a degenerate gambler while pretending to respond to a work email.
- Why is it so important that your child gets potty trained RIGHT THE F NOW – I had a really bad answer to this question: “Because other children were getting potty trained around the same time.” I thought I stopped really caring what other people thought at age 35 but boy was I wront. Those ugly feelings come right back when you have kids and color SO many interactions you have with your children and spouse. There’s no legally mandated age for potty training, just like there’s no “standard” for walking, crawling and talking, so stop acting like there is. A friend whose child struggled with potty training went to a pediatrician and explained their issues. The doctor said “May I ask why you’re trying so hard to get her to do something she isn’t ready for yet?” I tried to carry that response with me (and mostly failed), as I trained my child. Your child will figure out potty training when they’re ready.
- Your child is probably terrified – This was hard for me to grasp because the act is routine, but if your child is struggling with potty training, they’re probably terrified of going to the bathroom anywhere other than their diaper. Really let that sink in. If your child were terrified in any other situation, think how you’d respond, now do that same thing in this situation.
- You’re maybe 25% of the equation – This might be the toughest piece of potty training / parenting. You cannot will your child to be potty trained anymore than you can will them to stop throwing a ball really terribly because you too throw a ball terribly. It’s not your fault and it’s not their fault and it’s not a reflection of you as a parent or a person and no it’s not a reason to have a drink at 8:30am.
- Poop is tough – Man is poop tough. The pee part came pretty easy for my daugher and the poop part took months and months. The false sense of confidence that pee pee gave me probably led to my bad attitude when the #2 piece of the puzzle wasn’t dropping neatly into place (place = the toilet). You can read all about this from much more qualified people than me. It’s possible #2 takes an additional year to become routine. Gird those loins!
- Incentivize, but there may not be such a thing as a rational actor – In my Potty Training Stages of Grief Journey (screenplay is in post-production), I spent a ton of time bargaining. We used candy, toys, additional diaper access and many other things to try and get our daughter to stay on the toilet and complete the poop process. While I’ve seen rewards suggested as a viable solution, they didn’t work for us because my daughter was literally terrified to go #2. There was no amount of candy or screen time (it was a shocker) that was better than not pooping and not being scared. Fear wins! If you have a child that’s already comfortable on the toilet, but has accidents because they wait too long to go, I could see incentives as a means to get them to go to the bathroom at the appropriate time. I also like post-poop incentives as a way to positively reinforce the behavior, which, more on that right now…
- When it happens, PARTY – Once my daughter was finally comfortable enough to go on the potty my god did we celebrate the wins. These celebration came in the form of a milkshake. Once the fear subsided into just low levels of apprehension, we were able to get her to go to head to the toilet with a promise of a small Shamrock shake. I now can’t look at a shamrock shake without envisioning my daugher squeezing out a turd. It’s wonderful.
- In most cases, potty training included, your child is doing her very best. Try and make sure you hold yourself to that same standard. Unless you have a pooping genius, this is going to be tough. Be patient, be kind and most of all don’t let your personal pride get in the way. No one that you like is judging your parenting skills based on the whether your child is potty trained. Anyone who isn’t a dick realizes that things happen at different times for different kids. They’ll poop on the potty when they’re ready and then you’ll lament the milestones as sign posts of a parenting experience that’s receded into history as your child marches to adolescence and really begins to resent you. Cherish even the shitty stuff (pun intended) beacuse soon it will be gone and you’ll no have good stories left to tell your friends.
If my feelings based approach isn’t your bag, I like a few of the more practical ideas mentioned in this Fatherly article. Any other ideas? Leave them in the comments.
Chris Jordan