I’m about to provide parenting tips for when your spouse is away, but first, let’s set the scene:
So, your spouse is about to go away on business. You’re being left with the children. You’ve subtly asked whether this trip is “mandatory,” and it has been forcefully confirmed as such. You’ve even more subtly asked whether your mom/dad should come for a visit because gosh darn it it’s been way too long and dad is getting up there and we don’t know how many years he has left with the kids. That request was put in front of the magistrate, dad’s latest blood work was called as evidence but ultimately the request was denied.
When you’re talking to friends and family, you certainly come off as a competent father. But are you really? Does your competence reach the level of single-parent? Let’s go with “yes,” and here’s the why: I often think, “I can’t be the dumbest person to do X parenting task, so I’ll probably be fine.” Since I’ve handled short-term single parenting ~10 times, and since you’re almost certainly smarter than me (unless you’re Jerry. I’m definitely smarter than you Jerry), you can handle it too!
- Plan out some time-killers – …and socialize those plans to get the team jacked up. For a single-parent weekend, I like to think about 3-4, ~1 hour activities that I can get my 4.5 year old excited about each day. We talk about these at breakfast and I can hopefully get her excited enough for them to carry me through the day. The 1.5 year old comes along for the ride in most situations, especially when there’s physical activity involved. Here’s a couple recent favs:
- Paint Pictures for Mommy to surprise her with when she returns – Cut up some garbage bags, cover the kitchen table, grab the paints and let them go ape shit. The 1.5 year ends up looking like he fell into the paint river at the Sherwin-Williams version of a Willy Wonka tour (not to be missed if you’re ever in Cleveland).
- Grease Crayon Bath Time -Since they’re covered in paint, this is a nice transition. My kids love these grease crayons in the tub. I also throw every possible water-tight toy in the tub and they’ll hang out for at least an hour. Also, pile on the bubbles or invest in a bath bomb (these are awesome). The bath ends up looking like a crime scene, which I guess it is since we brutally kill 1 hour of free time.
- But don’t be too ambitious with your time-killers – If you’re searching around the internet, you’ll no doubt find some great time-killing ideas for kids activities. Sadly, a lot of these activities come from parents that are a lot more competent than I am. If neither of my children know differential calculus or even worse, how to paper mache, by the time my wife gets home, I don’t view that as a failure. Pinterest needs a “I’m a less ambitious person” button so the pins are in the realm of possibility for people without an advanced degree in crafting. I’ll shoot them an email.
- Go for a drive – Simple and kind of expensive with gas at the price it is, but totally worth it. Sometimes I’ll choose a point of interest to hit, other times I’ll just drive 30 minutes in one direction and 30 minutes back. This probably seems ridiculous, but I’ve also had some really fun conversations with my 4.5 year old when she’s contained in her car seat and unable to get distracted. It has a 1950’s cars-are-new-enough-that-there’s-still-some-novelty-to-drive-to-the-town-over feel to it, but going for a drive has saved me when I’ve had a lord of the flies situation brewing.
- Bake something (Easy) – Even to me, the oven is fascinating. I understand the concept of thermodynamics (no I don’t), but I’m as perplexed as my daughter when the hideous dough balls that go into the oven end up as delicious cookies. It’s like an episode of master chef junior where one of the 8 year olds hit puberty really early but also sucks at cooking. Attempting and failing to explain how an oven works is a solid hour off the clock every time.
- Prepare for THUNDERDOME from 6-8am and 5-7pm – When my wife is away for work during the week, we typically have care/school for the kids during the day. That means that the 2 hours before school and the 2-3 hour after school are when pressure either breaks rocks or makes diamonds. I had success waking up a little early, or knocking off work a little early and making sure their breakfast and dinner are completely cooked prior to wake-up/pick-up. Never forget the 5Ps: Perfect planning prevents poor performance.
- Diet Starts Monday, it’s candy eatin’ time – They’ve spread the pigs blood all over their faces and your daughter has the conch. It’s time to lay the chests of gold at the feet of the barbarians and hope they just head back to the woods. You’ve done your best but you have to know when you’re beaten. Call a timeout, head to the sideline and get the next play while they devour a kit-kat with the wrapper on.
Hopefully these little tips are helpful the next time you’re spouseless. What did I miss? What’s worked for you and your family in the past? Let us know in the comments.
Chris Jordan