Do You Need to Read The Baby Books?

When preparing for a new baby, do dads really need to read the baby books? And Jesus Christ Seth Rogen looks young. I probably looked younger when he looked younger too didn’t I?

Not sure there’s a better way to frame this one up any better than this:

***

           BEN

           I’m sorry you’re freaking out, but I

just walked three fucking miles

           through Koreatown to get here. Sorry

           if I’m trying to lighten the mood a

           little.

           ALISON

           Well, don’t! Okay?! You can’t take

           anything seriously! You didn’t even

           read the baby books.

           BEN

           I didn’t read the baby books! What’s

           gonna happen? How did anyone ever give

           birth without a baby book?!

           That’s right, the ancient Egyptians

           fucking engraved “What to Expect When

           You’re Expecting” on the pyramid

           walls! I forgot about that! Who gives

           a flying fuck about the baby books?!

           ALISON

           It just shows your lack of commitment,

           Ben! That you’re not in this with me!

           *Arguing continues.  And continues.*

***

Seeing as there’s probably a few Bens and Alisons out there, I’ll offer up my own recommendation on how to answer their dilemma on whether or not you need to read the baby books when preparing for a little one:

No, you don’t.

But you should.  Just one.

Consider this.  The number of people to have ever been born is estimated at around 80 billion.  Let’s show those zero’s so you can appreciate that statistic, as you comprehend the incremental impact your singular new child will have when viewed against this number:

80,000,000,000.

So by not reading a baby book you’d be joining approximately TENS OF BILLIONS of people who either couldn’t read a baby book or chose not to read a baby book.  That’s pretty good company.  I think you’ll survive.

But here’s why I state my recommendation:

1. Your life is about to get a lot busier; the prospect of reading that book, or any book, is about to get a lot more challenging.  So take it in while you still can;
2. It shows Allison that you care;
3. You can actually learn something.

I read one book during my wife’s pregnancy.  It wasn’t constantly illuminating from one page to the next, but I’m glad I did for all those reasons above.  a) I’ve been able to read very few books since; b) my wife appreciated that I invested some time into it; and c) I did actually find some useful tips in how to understand and care for a newborn.

To that end, here’s my:

Top Ten Cliff Notes Version of Newborn-Related Things I Didn’t Fully Appreciate Until I Read the Baby Book:

This list is not all-encompassing.  So crack open the book. But here you go:

1. Babies sleep ~18 hours a day in the first few weeks. I remember when I first learned that and immediately became jealous at the thought of napping all day long particularly on those key hangover days of the year (none more notable than the day after the Super Bowl).  Speaking of, are you worried about your new little one upsetting your football Sunday routine?  Not so fast! (Corso voice).  They sleep.  A LOT.
2. Imagine the first 3 months like the “4th trimester” and you’ll do well in replicating a womb-like environment for the newborn: white noise (louder than you probably think), extreme dark, and movement are all good things when putting your baby down.
3. Find a good swaddle.  Our child was houdini in the middle of the night breaking free from all forms wraps and knot structures.  My recommendation is one that both zips AND crosses over.
4. Appreciate baby steps.  Literal ones, yes.  But I’m referring to figurative ones.  Is your new little guy sleeping for only a 3 hr stretch at night when they “should” be at 6?  Take solace in small wins.  Get them to 3 hrs 10 minutes.  Then 3:20.  … Baby steps.
5. Pee matters way more than poop.  Count your daily wet diapers those first few weeks.  6/day is about the target.
6. Wake your sleeping baby during the day to feed them on schedule if they’re over-snoozing.  While this is not easy to do, it will pay dividends at night.
7. Get in the habit of putting your baby to bed drowsy, but not asleep; that’s is really helpful in creating a strong, independent sleeper.
8. Give it a few minutes at night if he or she wakes up crying.  Oftentimes it’s a nightmare and they’re back asleep as quickly as they seemingly woke up.
9. The new world mantra to sleep is: on their back, with nothing inside the crib.  This has yielded the lowest SIDS rates per studies according to people who know things.  Babies have an innate ability to turn their heads to the side should they flip to their tummies.  Its not easy to trust, but take solace in both the data and those 80 billion babies forming good, innate, reflexes in this current form of the human species.
10. Eat, Awake, Sleep.  That’s the schedule.  Rinse, repeat.

Those are some newborn tips but again, I recommend picking up a baby book (and then, you know, actually reading it).

Happy reading.