When you’re young, the idea of a new year’s resolutions is so charming. You really do believe that with a few trite, platitudinous aspirations you’ll actually change the way you think, act and generally behave. Then you get older and realize that your cake has been baked and as is the rule with cakes, cannot be unbaked. At 40 or so, you’re pretty much who you are and who you’re going to be, right? No, please god tell me that’s not true. I mean I’m okay, but I would love to believe I can be better than okay.
The thing is, change is hard. With less life experience, you’re apt to believe that change can be accomplished with the right words and a bit of determination. While that’s true, determination is an admirable quality because it’s hard to be “determined.” With a little more life experience, you’re also confronted by many more of your failings / times when your own determination failed.
So what’s one to do with the New Year officially dawned? It’s time to run into the future with the wool firmly pulled over your own eyes. Yes, you’re a failure, but you’re the best kind of failure: The failure who is ready to fail again. I like New Year’s resolutions not because I think I’m going to do what I’m resolving to do, but because I get to reflect on areas where I can improve. Even acknowledging where you’re falling short of your own expectations will make you more mindful of those shortcomings. In my experience mindfulness can’t help but create better outcomes.
In that spirit, I’ve got some resolutions folks! I probably won’t follow them to the letter, but I’m not going to completely ignore them either. Hopefully this gives you some ideas for your 2023.
Less Screen Time – My god I need to stop picking up my phone. A post-covid survey said that on average, people have 140 phone “sessions” per day, which is defined as anytime the phone is unlocked. I’d guess I’m on the high end of that range, with how much I look at my phone for work. Speaking of, how many times has a 5-alarm-all-hands-on-deck work fire that required your immediate attention been completely forgot about like 3 days later? 2023 is the year that I say “I’ll maybe get to it tomorrow morning because it’s not even close to as important as you’re making it seem.” So, I’ll take out the non-important “important” work stuff and I’ll put my phone in the other room while I’m playing with my kids and I might work my way up to below-average parent levels.
If there’s one resolution that I want to accomplish bad enough that I might stick to it, it’s this one. I’m so tired of looking at my phone every six minutes or anytime I feel even the least bit bored. It’s become an addiction and I’ve limited my addictions to drinks, gambling and an every 6 month cigarette. I’m reading this book by Johann Hari and I really hope it scares me straight. If not I’m getting a jitterbug.
These hands aren’t old enough to represent their target demo
More Creative Pursuits – Please tell me you consider blog writing a creative pursuit. Recently, I’ve read a lot about the concept of the “flow state” made famous Mihaly Czikzenmihalyi (Also detailed in Hari’s book). Here’s a primer that doesn’t require you to read a full book. Basically a “flow state” is when you’re completely and totally absorbed in a task. Often that task that brings you into the flow state is challenging enough that all of your skill is needed to accomplish it. Researchers have found quite a few mental, creativity and productivity related benefits to habitual achieving these flow states.
The very idea of a flow state or “undivided attention” in general runs completely counter to the way most of us live our lives in 2023, which in and of itself makes me interested. With children in the mix, there are very few times where we’re even afforded the time to devote ourselves completely to a task. That said, my kids go to bed at 8 and I go to bed at 11 and there’s typically a lot of Parks and Rec that fills that space, so maaaayyybbbeee I have a few minutes on my hands. I’ve found that writing allows me to approach a state of concentration that’s very rare in my life. One of the benefits of habitually achieving flow states is that, like muscle being built, you’re better able to give a task your undivided attention when it’s needed. A task like…parenting perhaps? I’d love to be a more present parent and person in general in 2023. Honing my ability to focus can only help that.
Wake up at 6am – If I want some time to focus before both children wake up and ask for, and then refuse to eat a waffle (every f’ing morning, I mean it’s infuriating), I need to wake up earlier. I’m a 6:45am guy right now because little baby jesus blessed me with two great sleepers (but very little facial hair for an Italian, I mean it’s infuriating). If I pulled that forward to 6am, I can get some writing in some days, knock out a work out a couple times per week, read, catch up on actual work, finally help all of these science dummies figure out fusion (I mean it’s generating more energy from a nuclear reaction that you put into said reaction, it’s not hard, I mean it’s infuriating). I’m not reaching for 4am here. It’s 45 minutes. I hope and I pray that at near-40 I’m capable, but I’ll update you on my progress.
Stop worrying about being right all the time – Speaking of being nearly 40, can I stop acting like a 5 year old every time I’m not right? Yes, I’m a child of divorce, arguments were the only mode of discourse and being right was very important in that situation, but it was also 30 years ago and that’s also probably an excuse for just being an asshole. I can be wrong without getting mad. Say it again dummy: I CAN BE WRONG WITHOUT GETTING MAD. Okay, now all I have to do is believe. So many arguments are tied up in pride. I hated the “happy wife, happy life” mantra because I thought it implies that the husband shouldn’t be happy. However, it actually implies that the husband shouldn’t care so much about the little things that his wife says or does that may annoy him, cede that ground like you do with literally every other person in your life and then you’re in the “happy life” state along with your spouse. Very easily said. Let’s see if it’s equally easily done in 2023.
Maybe run a little bit – Dude. No.
Calm the hell down – Speaking of mental health, how about I just calm the hell down in 2023. Yes, your kid is yelling at you. They are a child and you are an adult. Should you A. Match their volume level. B. Exceed their volume level C. Act like a goddamn adult and don’t get into a shouting match with a child. It’s C, I promise. I need to think about why my child is getting angry and attempt to address the root cause. If a stern (not loud), voice is necessary, I should use it but attempt not to escalate. And how about I take this attitude with all other humans. No, all other humans are not idiots because they do something that I wouldn’t do. 2023 is the year I give humanity the benefit of the doubt, see someone who doesn’t agree with me as just that, rather than a moron. For god’s sake I’m writing a blog. I don’t have advanced degrees in anything. It’s possible that a lot of people that interact with me think I’m an idiot. If I want the benefit of the doubt, I should start by giving it to others.
Okay, that’s all the self improvement I can squeeze into one year. Wish me luck!
Chris Jordan